may day.,
Friday, May 1, 2009
I had wanted to post a post like this for a long while, but never really got round to it. Or tried to find the words to put to it.
But Wednesday really made me reflect.
I read somewhere where (on facebook) some people's fave place to be at (at the moment) would be at training or just somewhere near/related to their ccas.
And i wondered what about me. The last time i really felt like i wanted to be there was... I can't remember. (ok this will sound extremely politically incorrect, especially with what i'm supposed to be, aiding bonding and all so juniors who stumble upon this blog err, close one eye or 2 for that matter).
It's not like i hated to be there. It's just that there's always a feeling that something else needs to be done/ i'd rather do, or there's somewhere else i'd rather be. The close feeling of camaraderie I had grown to be accustomed to during my NP days, I can't find it in either of them (i'm not just picking on either one, its both generally or more specifically on the whole of what I'm doing.) In NP, sure, we get screwed more often, we read our emails trembling with dread and fear but there was also the sense of togetherness. rarh maybe it's my fault.
For one, i always feel like i'm not putting my best due to aforementioned undesirable feelings, there's always a sense of inadequacy. For another/ the other, theres like a canyon of difference in competancy between my peers and i now due to errr... severe lack of training from numerous absenties. Aiya, inadequacy is the key word, that's how I feel.
edit: Okay upon some reflection, I realized i have painted a very very ): picture. It's not all that black and grey larh, of course there are moments that i enjoyed which i'm sure will form part of the memories i would treasure in years to come. But at the same time i'm also lamenting how i'm not really putting my all (or maybe I just have too high expectations of myself) and also the fact that I have drifted away from some. I'll mend this. okay.
I'm not sure what this post was for, maybe to fill up the inactivty or maybe just for me to rant.
I keep waiting for the moment, but it never comes.
Okay, on to happier stuff. Lambert is IN THE RUNNING for american idol!!! (duh?) Although i don't think he might actually win but whatever larh. I kinda like all 4 of them, although i think allison might win cos of this girl/guy/girl/guy pattern thingy rumour which i'm quite inclined to. Haha but if it comes to popularity, its down to adam/ kris allen (i have a sneaking suspicion its kris who would have the upperhand though). Sadly, much as I like danny gokey i think he'll be out next week. =x
Oh well's here's a live video to remind everybody why adam is still the best and to tell any random america visitor who might happen to chance upon my blog to VOTE FOR ADAM omg how did he end up at bottom 2 -.-"
ok lol i found this and it's quite funny/cute hahaha.
11:23 PM