she views boys as potatoes. or maybe it's just me.,
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The following line is from GLEE, something that I've recently become addicted to.
"Have you ever liked somebody so much you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?"
Woke up to a wonderful 7 oclock today, feeling grouchy I have to drag myself all the way to the opposite side of the island, some ulu place called sembawang.
Turned on "Beautiful Day" by Lee Dewyze in hopes of a beautiful day but as it turns out, as usual, I was running late, no time to grab breakfast so had to nurse grouchy feeling + stomach growling achish rumbling the whole morning.
Spent the day stuck in a com lab filled with uncles and aunties who are way many times my age, asking questions that to me, seems highly irrelevant and pretty time wasting.
The thing about being in a class with kids means having to put up with them making distracting noises and consequentially irritating the hell out of you at inappropriate times.
The thing about being stuck with technologically inapt aunties and uncles in a com lab means having to put up with their ceaseless anal questions which inevitably lulled me to building sandcastles in the air very soon.
(When I'm not in my good or normal mood my language gets more colourful, as you may have noticed. So pardon me.)
It may be cos I'm not used to the classroom setting anymore, that I can't put up with the extremities of annoying student behaviour.
I was just about to drift to lalaland when something in the late afternoon jolted me to alertness.
I don't know but I just can't take this abusive relationship anymore.
Sometimes I think im abit schizo, sometimes I think I'm a bit of a masochist. It pains me but I can't pull myself away. It keeps me up awake at night, makes me do stupid things, occupies my idle brain every single minute of my waking hour and curse myself time and time again. It reminds me constantly how weak and unaccomplished I am. But I still crawl back without fail each time. Its like something came along and turned my world topsy turvy upside down.
It sounds juvenile, and maybe petty on hindsight. To be doing all these. There are times where they try to fill me with doubt, makes me ask if it's worth it. Makes me wonder if I'm taken seriously enough or if people think I'm even serious at all. Because amongst the words given, there seemed to be no hint of apology nor remorse nor any negative feelings about having to miss it at all. Call me sensitive. But I'm a SNAG. Hell, even being Kurt Hummel/ Chris Colfer now seems like a good idea.
Makes me think I'm just no good at it, that I should just give up. You know like when you try to score 3pt-ers but you never ever seem to even come close people start saying maybe you should try your hand at something else cos you really don't seem to be good at it at all. But you still insist thinking that someday, somehow maybe the hoop will relent or lady luck will deal you a good hand.
I know I can't listen to sad music now cos I'd surely cry.
And I know I just can't walk away.
7:55 PM