Oh Beth What Can I Do,
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Had wanted to put up a post the day I finished Glee but never got the chance to.
I guess one of the greatest reasons I like Glee alot alot is cos, as the producers have said, it's a form of escapism. Glee, with it's optimism provides the best way to run away from reality and hypnotize ourselves that this world ain't all that gloom and doom. I guess the recurring idea of losers won't always be losers, that joy and hopeful optimism is something I can relate to. That and of course the great music they put together.
So anyway whenever I feel down and out(which seems to be occurring quite frequently) I just watch an ep and suddenly all the downess just poofs into the air replaced by an inexplicable GLEE.
My fav ep, has got to be the lady gaga ep. The first and last eps were great but I feel that the homage to Gaga was certainly the most epic of all the eps. Not to mention I love all the songs they sang.
So anyway, my fav song of the moment today would most definately be Beth
Puck is definitely one of my most fav males on the show (as much as i like kurt)
And I also found out adam sang it on idol finals too!!!
You gotto go to 1.24 to hear it though.
Though I'm sure that the number of people who read this is close to zilch and the people who do wouldn't bother listening to the songs anyway hahah.
Oh Beth, What can I do?
9:10 PM
我怀念的; let me know if you still need me,
Thursday, July 15, 2010
我怀念的是无话不说
9:04 PM
to be carefree you must care less.,
Saturday, July 10, 2010
the greatest irony is in the contradictions.
7:00 PM
Smile (Charlie Chaplin song),
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Realized that people who read this don't show they do.
These are difficult times but songs like these, gentle as they are, that helps me to pull through.
edit:quit this self-pity! no one's gonna feel sorry for you but yourself! "to be carefree you must first care less!"
Smile, though your heart is aching,
Smile, even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky-
You'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.
11:13 PM
We all need somebody to lean on.,
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
So i've struggled on the title of this post. Deciding between "tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air" and "we all need somebody to lean on".
I guess you already know the choice I made.
It's basically a "is this glass half empty or half full?" question.
These are the moments. They're the crossroads. The ones you look back when you get old and think "what if..."
Been doing some soul-searching reflection what not, watching glee and being alone helps to clear up my musty head a little bit.
Went for an auto-car lesson on monday and I thought I learnt an important life lesson during my time there. Unlike manual cars, auto cars do not require the gear shift lever nor the clutch pedal. In a sense it's really automated so you don't have something to think about twice before deciding to step on acceleration.
Which was also why I found myself slipping into high speeds rather easily as opposed to when im on a manual car.
In a way, I think, it's abit like life. The gear shift lever and the clutch pedal act as signposts to warn you of the dangers of going too fast. Like how she's put up so many warning fences for me, but still I did not take heed. You are right, I was or probably still am a little bit delusional.
I must have known all along but still I stepped on acceleration.
Still, I want to thank you for giving me the chance. They say it's better to regret what you have done than what you have not.
In Glee, Schuester said something that stuck a chord with me. "Life's a series of choice, a big combination of moments. Little ones that add up to big ones that create who you are."
So I've been moody lately, my behavior has been nothing short of juvenile. My actions erratic prolly ruining everything and moods and stuff for people but mostly and most definately myself.
In short, I was miserable.
I guess everything's about perspectives. With new perspectives and new directions everything seems less gloomy. I've been contemplating about whether to put this up, on whether it seems like it's too quick for me to get over. Or if ever, had I ever gotten over yet.
I'd just like to say, both things are just are important to me. If you say stuff like will never and forever, then I guess I have no choice but to accept truth as reality much as I like to reject truth. If I cannot have one, then I'd most gladly take the other. I enjoy participating in group chatter and laughter and it makes me miserable to be the one left out all the time.
I'd always want to be your friend.
Not sure if this would ever reach its intended audience and if it has what would come out of it. I know the cold turkey is for my own good.
But we all need somebody to lean on. So yes, I need somebody, some friend to lean on. So let me know if you still need me too.
10:32 PM
alea iacta est,
Friday, July 2, 2010
What do you say to taking chances?
11:11 PM
she views boys as potatoes. or maybe it's just me.,
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The following line is from GLEE, something that I've recently become addicted to.
"Have you ever liked somebody so much you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?"
Woke up to a wonderful 7 oclock today, feeling grouchy I have to drag myself all the way to the opposite side of the island, some ulu place called sembawang.
Turned on "Beautiful Day" by Lee Dewyze in hopes of a beautiful day but as it turns out, as usual, I was running late, no time to grab breakfast so had to nurse grouchy feeling + stomach growling achish rumbling the whole morning.
Spent the day stuck in a com lab filled with uncles and aunties who are way many times my age, asking questions that to me, seems highly irrelevant and pretty time wasting.
The thing about being in a class with kids means having to put up with them making distracting noises and consequentially irritating the hell out of you at inappropriate times.
The thing about being stuck with technologically inapt aunties and uncles in a com lab means having to put up with their ceaseless anal questions which inevitably lulled me to building sandcastles in the air very soon.
(When I'm not in my good or normal mood my language gets more colourful, as you may have noticed. So pardon me.)
It may be cos I'm not used to the classroom setting anymore, that I can't put up with the extremities of annoying student behaviour.
I was just about to drift to lalaland when something in the late afternoon jolted me to alertness.
I don't know but I just can't take this abusive relationship anymore.
Sometimes I think im abit schizo, sometimes I think I'm a bit of a masochist. It pains me but I can't pull myself away. It keeps me up awake at night, makes me do stupid things, occupies my idle brain every single minute of my waking hour and curse myself time and time again. It reminds me constantly how weak and unaccomplished I am. But I still crawl back without fail each time. Its like something came along and turned my world topsy turvy upside down.
It sounds juvenile, and maybe petty on hindsight. To be doing all these. There are times where they try to fill me with doubt, makes me ask if it's worth it. Makes me wonder if I'm taken seriously enough or if people think I'm even serious at all. Because amongst the words given, there seemed to be no hint of apology nor remorse nor any negative feelings about having to miss it at all. Call me sensitive. But I'm a SNAG. Hell, even being Kurt Hummel/ Chris Colfer now seems like a good idea.
Makes me think I'm just no good at it, that I should just give up. You know like when you try to score 3pt-ers but you never ever seem to even come close people start saying maybe you should try your hand at something else cos you really don't seem to be good at it at all. But you still insist thinking that someday, somehow maybe the hoop will relent or lady luck will deal you a good hand.
I know I can't listen to sad music now cos I'd surely cry.
And I know I just can't walk away.
7:55 PM